Peace Corps Guilt

Guilt. That’s the emotion I have constantly been plagued with while living in Cebu City. Regardless of the situation… because of my American privilege followed accordingly by American ignorance, guilt will surely follow. I have these negative reoccurring thought patterns. I can feel them wearing me down, testing my patience and I’m afraid of the person I am becoming. When I started this assignment I wanted to be able to serve others with an open heart. Yet I can’t help but feel that my initial idealism has left me feeling completely naïve and inadequate. I cannot seem to rationalize away the guilt that follows every thought and action.

How can humanity allow for such extreme wealth and extreme poverty to coexist? And at what point have we lost our humanity?  

I feel a constant and persistent guilt while living in Cebu City, but I guess that means I’m still human. 

One Year Gone...

I've spent the last year living in a foreign country. The whole idea of it still seems bizarre on some level. 

I've been attempting to adapt and understand the Philippines as best I can. I have met so many wonderful people, visited beautiful places and I have made unforgettable memories. I am reminded every day of how lucky I am to be an American, to have an education, and a family that loved me enough to support me this far. I have no doubt grown from this experience, I feel more competent everyday and I have not forgotten the privilege that serving as a Peace Corps volunteer has afforded me.

At the same time, being in the Philippines for one year hasn't been easy and to be honest I am still grappling with the idea of living here for another 14 months. There have been highs in which I have felt like the luckiest person on earth, and lows in which I have felt like the loneliest. I've been challenged by the reality of the environmental pollution,  extreme poverty, systemic oppression, sexism, and misguided western influence. 

Yet despite being here for one year, there are still many aspects of myself that I'd like to improve. Namely I could be more patient, understanding, and dedicated to my service, but without any baseline sometimes it's hard to know what impact you're actually having as a volunteer. The more measurable outcome I think, is how the experience impacts you in the way that you view the world, and make conscious decisions to care for other people. 

In closing, I think I'll have to quote one of my earlier posts from May 1st 2012, 

just after I accepted my invitation to serve in the Philippines.  

"Not knowing where you will end up is what makes life so interesting 

and the growth you experience is always more valuable than the end point." 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Peace Corps Site Video

Here is the link to my Peace Corps site video which documents my life in the Philippines thus far.
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B51za2LO3lZdNEJOLXUtc0l3bDg/edit

Night Outreach in Cebu City

I recently joined outreach in one of our target barangays. Our objective was to track down clients and invite them to come to a free medical check-up that was being offered by one of our partner agencies. I had been in this area many times during the day to conduct human trafficking seminars, but the night life in the community was still largely unexplored, and although I knew that the living conditions were dire, I was still not prepared for what we encountered.

I set out with two of the staff from the center, along with one of our peer educators. We walked along an uneven cement path stepping carefully over dirty brown puddles, discarded food and trash. The heavy air held the stench of the city, sweaty bodies and pollution, with the additional odor of a community without any proper waste management. The majority of the buildings around us resembled sheds made of light materials, quickly thrown together with little planning or thought in regards to safety. Televisions blared from inside, but many people sat on the street where there was mild air circulation, card games and drinking circles. The path was crowded. Men walked around with their shirts off, women were chatting with friends or holding their babies, children ran all over laughing and playing games. There were nameless bodies everywhere. People sleeping outside and curled up in filthy places where you wouldn't expect a living person to reside.

The women we talked to had holes in their arms from injecting benzodiazepine and methamphetamine (I later found out that 51% of the intravenous drug users in this barangay are HIV positive).We gave each woman a small box that held three condoms and invited them to bring their children to have a free check-up. The women complained first and foremost asking for more condoms. One woman ran up to us in a dress that was soaking wet. She had just taken a bath outside. Further up the path I could see three women sitting in a line in front of a bucket rubbing water and soap hastily over their bodies, bathing in the street where anyone could watch. I could not even fathom living in such close quarters, with such limited privacy.

As we walked around, the darkness was filled with laughter, whispers and cigarette smoke. There were old computers and televisions set up in public spaces. Both had groups of people crowded around the screens. They were watching the NBA finals. 

We turned a corner to see a group of kids, who upon seeing me jumped out of their chairs and rushed over. I had three street children on each side of me holding my arms, saying things like, “What’s your name? Will you take me to Jollibee? You have beautiful eyes. Give me pesos.” The children’s hands were wet and their clothes dirty, but I answered their questions and let them hold on to me as long as they liked.

As we continued forward the kids eventually lost interest. In the darkness it was hard to maneuver on the faulty paths, I followed my coworkers, carefully stepping where they stepped. My counterpart began talking to a female pimp, telling her about the medical services we were offering for the girls. Then a taxi pulled up – a customer, and many pimps ran over to try and make their best offer. I was told that before the raids began the street walkers would surround the taxi and the customer could simply point at the girl of their choice. Now the prostituted women remain hidden but are easily contacted via text message.

I was grateful to have this deeper exposure in the work that we do and plan to spend more time doing outreach so that I can have a better understanding of what our client’s experience. Up until this point I have been able to focus on mobilizing the community and working with girls in job training who had already left this life behind. It’s clear to me now the importance of seeing and experiencing the reality of their previous lives in order to fully understand their background and help them maintain a successful reintegration back into the community. 

IST/PDM

I spent last week reuniting with my original batch of 271 volunteers after being apart for almost seven months of service. We were gathered for a conference to update us on our responsibilities as PCV's and learn about how to document our service projects in our communities. It was really wonderful to see everyone and hear about all the great work going on in the Philippines. Everyone loved our advocacy materials. We were able to sell every single shirt, with lots of people still asking for more.

We were all joined by our counterparts from our respective agencies and I was reminded of how lucky I am to get to work everyday with one of my best friends. Our relationship may not always be rainbows and butterflies but we are open and honest with each other which makes an incredible difference. Arianne and I created a project proposal and learned about monitoring and evaluation techniques. We also discovered some funding opportunities that we may be able to access for Welcome House. Our project proposal went something like this...

 

Vision

A community where men are actively involved in eliminating 

sex trafficking and prostitution.

Goal

Establish a MAP - Men Against Prostitution group in the community that encompasses 80 male high school students and 25 male community members to serve as role models and peer educators on the issue of sex trafficking and prostitution by the end of June 2013.  

This idea can easily be incorporated into the advocacy work that we are already doing with our core groups in the schools and barangays. We are hoping that we can also create a short film to utilize as an advocacy tool that will showcase men speaking about why they are against prostitution and how men can help end the exploitation and marginalization of women. We recognize that it's going to be difficult to get men involved on this issue but I think it's important that we do this campaign so that at the very least, we can shift some of  the responsibility onto the men and recognize that this is not just a women's issue but a societal problem that we are all accountable for.

In the last few days of the conference Arianne was contacted by a previous client asking for help. She had been trafficked from Cebu to Luzon under the premise of a 'job in Manila' and was now stuck in a brothel in Cavite (an hour outside of Manila). Luckily she was able to meet up with us and in the space of 24 hours we were able to get her some identification then book her a seat on our flight back to Cebu. Everyone was relieved to arrive home in one piece and we are now looking forward to the implementation of our proposal in our advocacy program.

HIV Camp - Barangay Training - Job Readiness

Earlier this month I was able to serve as a facilitator for a three day HIV/AIDS camp. This was targeted at our outreach clients who are still active in prostitution. I partnered with a fellow volunteer and we taught the ladies about the transmission of HIV and how to use condoms. Despite their profession many of the participants had never used a condom, so we had a good time practicing with egg plants. The venue was absolutely beautiful. It was a great opportunity for our girls to learn some new information and just enjoy getting away from the pressures of the city.

After a few months of down time our advocacy projects are picking up. We just had a Quick Response Team Training for barangay officials where we discussed the important role of local government in reporting cases of sex trafficking and prostitution within our target communities. I was able to facilitate a human referral system activity to help our core groups understand their place within the bigger system. Each person's body represented a part of the system and they had to use their arms to connect to other resources.  I made them do this without talking so we all had a good laugh watching them figure it out. 

 

 

I am still teaching Job Readiness Training at the center and this batch of girls will graduate from our program on April 20^th. Most of them have applied for scholarships and will get funding to finish school before they receive assistance in securing employment. I have really enjoyed bonding with the ladies in this class and they always inspire me. Some days I feel less motivated but by the end of our sessions together we always share many fits of laughter and I remember that my service is a two way street.  I feed off their positive energy and  it's all reciprocal. 

This last week has been hard for me emotionally as I lost my cat Sara.  I have been expecting this for a few years now, but my heart still broke when I heard the news. Despite my horrible allergies, I just completely loved being with her. I wish I could have been there to say goodbye. 

Malapascua: Shark Diving

This journey with my site mates Leah-batch 269 and AJ-batch 270 began on Friday morning at the northwest bus terminal in Cebu City. Four hours and 160 pesos later we had reached Maya located on the northern most tip of Cebu. It was 80 pesos for a boat ride from Maya to the tiny island of Malapascua (2.5 kilometers by 1 kilometer).

Upon first arrival we received a friendly greeting from the locals then began our trek across the island to Pilar’s Place (500 pesos a night). This secluded hideaway had a full kitchen, shared bathroom and a balcony overlooking the ocean. 

Later we found our way back to the main beach to scope out all the different restaurants. We settled on an Irish Bar named the Craic House, which of course prompted endless jokes. We spent the evening there, wandering back and forth to the ocean, enjoying good food in good company.

Saturday morning Leah woke for an early morning dive with thresher sharks, Malapasqua’s claim to fame. I couldn’t join her because I still need more dive experience, but you can bet I will be back to see those bad boys! Leah came back from her dive just as AJ and I were waking up, with great stories and lots of energy. We all got in our swimsuits without delay and settled in on the beach. We swam, we read and we slept. This was the most relaxing day I've had in months. We hiked out to a nearby light house with a great view of the island. Then for dinner we used the kitchen to whip up some spaghetti accompanied by a bottle of red wine.

Sunday morning we got to the dive shop by 9am to catch the boat to Gato Island. We were accompanied by a Chinese family, a few Italians and Canadians. The waves were wild and choppy, by the time we arrived at the dive site we were all drenched, but who could care? 

We were going diving with sharks!

Our first dive was over some beautiful reefs, we saw a few white tip sharks lounging on the sea floor and hiding under the rocks, many of them accompanied by pilot fish. For lunch the crew barbecued on the boat. We enjoyed a meal of grilled chicken, vegetables and rice while chatting with our fellow ship mates. After only a short while of sitting out in the sun we just couldn't take the heat, so we jumped off the front of the boat to cool off.

The second dive was incredible. We finned further under the shadows of the rocks until we came to a menacing underwater cave. Imagine a huge gaping hole of darkness, a perfect dwelling for a flesh eating sea monster, and you are about to swim through it.

We used flashlights to guide us, never completely knowing what lurked in the darkness. We went deeper and deeper as the cave gradually turned right, then left, all of us carefully maneuvering through the limited space. My eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness, when  before us was a bright shimmer of daylight. We had reached another opening, and the water at the mouth of the cave was a mesmerizing shade of blue. I let out a sigh of relief, and that was when we saw them. It was the clear silhouette of multiple sharks circling at the mouth of the cave.

We moved very slowly, closer and closer to the sharks. My body instinctively was on guard but I reminded myself to remain calm and breath slow. They were only a few meters away. We remained in that position for about five minutes before the sharks swam away from us. 

When we left the cave we were surrounded by huge reefs that towered above us, overflowing with life from every angle. It was all completely unreal. Our guide swam towards an opening in the reefs as he motioned the signal for shark. I followed diligently to the other side where we found more sharks circling and closer this time. Again we just watched in awe as the beautiful creatures glided gracefully in front of us, and then they were gone.

The rest of the dive was gorgeous most notable was an adorable yellow seahorse, but honestly nothing compares to venturing through that cave and seeing so many sharks. I will never forget it. 

After diving we made the most of our last night on the island. I had lost my sandals to the waves so I wandered barefoot after my friends. The sun was setting on our time in Malapascua.