Stuff I Wish Someone Had Mentioned ...

I have been scouring various blogs for information about serving in the Philippines and had to share this because it was just too entertaining to pass up. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did. 

“Stuff I Wish Someone Had Mentioned When I Joined Peace Corps Philippines” 

by Slappy Happy Pinkerton

1. You don't yet know what "hot" is.

2. Dance club music, at dance club volume, functions in the Philippines exactly like muzak does in the US. Kareoke goes until dawn. If there's a library, a TV or radio (which repeats the same 6 songs) will be playing inside. You'll acclimate eventually, but for about 3 months it'll feel like someone's screaming at you nonstop
.
3. No toilet paper: you use a bucket of water and your LEFT hand to wipe. (Then wash thoroughly, obviously.) Also no flush; you just pour buckets of water down the toilet. In the rare event that you do get toilet paper, do not put it in the toilet; it will clog the plumbing. Put your used toilet paper in the trash can, aka "basurahan." None of this is as bad as it sounds.

4. "Safety and Security": you will come to loathe this phrase like children loathe bedtime. Be advised that Peace Corps is a gov't agency and is thus deeply informed by liability. Another way of saying this: you can spin 2 years of doing nothing into a heartwarming story of cultural exchange, but you can't spin a dead or injured volunteer. In short, you will be treated like a 16 year old. If you're like me, you imagine Peace Corps to be sort a cross between the wild west, Lawrence of Arabia, and Indiana Jones on a slow day (before the Nazis or Soviets show up, he presumably just wanders around rustic villages, right?). This is exactly wrong: PC will likely be the safest 27 months of your life.

5. If you're lonely, and you will be, get a dog.

6. Cigarettes are cheaper than food, and bottled alcohol is cheaper than bottled water.

7. "Secular" in the American sense does not exist here. 4 of 5 Pinoys are Catholic. Get ready to start every meeting with a prayer. Deal with it. (I often explain my non-religious status with an appeal to my own ignorance, i.e. "I don't want to be so arrogant as to say that God is this or that, because I don't know.")

8. Lower your expectations. Everyone will tell you this, though not quite as bluntly ("small victories" was the buzzword during my training), because it's true. You will accomplish much, much less than you hope and expect and think you should. If you revise your hopes/expectations/thoughts in light of this fact, you will still accomplish less that you hope etc. Notice that out of the Peace Corps' 3 official goals, only one is related to getting anything done, and even then it's a conditional goal (you "provide assistance"). Lower your expectations.

9. Knuckle down. The great PCV virtue is not compassion or innovation or tolerance or hope. It's endurance.

10. There's a reason why you've never heard of a Filipino restaurant in the States. To put it diplomatically, the food is uninspired. But you'll be more or less forced to eat behemoth amounts of it (you'll be a hostage to your hosts' hospitality). Particularly rice: some Pinoys (no joke) attribute quazi-mystical powers to this food.

11. When a dozen people scream "HEY JOE!" at you every time you walk down the street, they're trying to be friendly. Knowing this won't prevent you from becoming angry. (Or they may not even realize they're screaming it; the "Hey Joe" phenomena is a subject of much psychological speculation among PCVs.)

12. Tagalog may not be spoken at your site, but it's widely spoken throughout the country. Start studying basic phrases now. On the other hand, study your assigned language like a demon during Training. Being able to talk naturally with locals is an essential tool for your service, but it's really easy to slack off during Training. 
(Because Training is so silly and boring, and because it habituates PCVs to rely on their trainers to translate and hand-hold, it's easy for PCVs to forget that language is a skill they'll actually need.)

13. Not sure how to put this diplomatically, but it's crucial: critical thinking is neglected or even discouraged here. E.g. every Edu. volunteer has a story about their students reading a paragraph aloud perfectly, then being unable to answer the most basic questions about what they'd just read. This will baffle, infuriate, and amaze you, and you won't really understand or believe me until you see it for yourself. The whole thing's probably related to the high-status of tradition, deference to authority, and fate within Filipino culture. But heads-up.

14. Password-protect your blog. Trust me on this.

15. Everything has tons of sugar in it. Esp. peanut butter. But you can commission sugarless peanut butter from the local supplier, if you contact them.

16. You'll need letters of support from various officials to do the most basic projects. Again: deference to authority. Deal with it.

17. You're going to spend a lot of time doing nothing, esp. at your host agency. Even when your agency is "doing something," you'll often be so bored you want to cry. Some PCVs actually get in trouble for working too hard. Bring a book.

18. In many cities, the air is so bad you may want to wear a wet bandanna-mask when you commute.

19. Dogs: dogs are not considered pets here. They are just animals. That's why so many of them look like something from a zombie film. Most homes have semi-feral guard-dogs, as well, who will menace you if you pass after dark. Carry a rock or a stick. 

20. You'll have extravagant stomach problems for the first week or weeks. Deal with it. Also: between stress, pollution, and exotic flavors of various diseases, you're a great candidate for a major illness at some point. Good luck!

21. Romance: Many volunteers have romantic relationships with locals. It's cool if you do this, but BE SMART. Try to keep in mind assumptions and expectations which seem obvious but (you'll learn) are deeply informed by culture. Go slow. If you're white, your skin color will increase your attractiveness by a factor of 10, here. Expect to be hit on constantly. Expect to answer impolitely personal questions about your relationship status. If you're male, expect to be offered a date with someone's sister. Many female volunteers wear fake wedding rings because it's just easier. Prostitution/sex work is widespread; if you elect to patronize sex workers while serving as a PCV, kindly quit, because you are not welcome. (This is rumored to be a problem in my batch.) Oh, and FYI: abortions are illegal here.

22: Color: be advised that part of the legacy of 3.5 centuries of western colonialism is that Pinoys widely associate white with beautiful. E.g. soap often has bleaching agents in it. Pinoy movie stars and models tend to look part-Pinoy, part-white. If you're black* realize that most Filipinos' only exposure to black Americans and black people is through pop-culture representations...so e.g. it's not unlikely that local kids will refer to you as "my nigga" etc. And if you're of Asian or latino descent, or otherwise construable-at-first-glance as Filipino, prepare to be ignored as your more-obviously-foreign fellow PCVs receive the spotlight. Also, white PCVs are often assumed to be rich tourists. Heads-up.
*(Obviously I know none of this firsthand; I'm just going off what I hear from black PCVs, to whom I hereby advise you to direct relevant inquiries--though in a sensitive and sensible way, duh.)

23. White PCVs: it's really easy to start unconsciously equating "American" with "white," since locals already do it and most of the Americans and westerners you'll meet will be white. Do not do this.

24. Never, ever be blunt in your speech as a PCV. Vent to your trusted friends, but speak as a diplomat to locals and to Peace Corps. And be prepared to face a lot of passive-aggressive waffling and hypocrisy.

25. Your netbook will be your best friend. Bring a heavy-duty Ziplock to keep it free of moisture and ants. I also wish I'd brought a 3G Kindle, in retrospect.

26. If you want to know what Manila is like, watch Blade Runner.

27. Realize that while Filipino culture is very weird, much of the weirdness you'll see results from the fact that you're observing it as an outsider, without the ideological filters that make things seem normal. Imagine a Martian anthropologist trying to understand Walmart. 

28. Many PCVs find their 3 months of Technical Training to be useless, FYI.

29. You're not helping street children when you give them money: it may go to their exploitive parents or drugs, and you're reinforcing begging as a career choice. Instead, talk to them like regular kids. Play with them. This is--no joke--a bigger help than your money. Buy toothbrushes and toothpaste to give out. But realize that their problem is not that they'll starve tonight (they won't); it's systemic poverty. React accordingly.

30. Seriously reconsider whether the Peace Corps is for you, starting...now. I can neither sufficiently express nor adequately explain how the pop-culture, PR-mediated image of Peace Corps is entirely distinct from the actual, banal experience of service.