Is it because I'm white or because I'm a woman?

Here in the Philippines I am more conscience of my race and sex than any previous time in my life. I have been living here for a few months now and although I knew things would be different, nothing in my social work education could have prepared me for this.

In the Philippines being white is considered gwapa or beautiful and there are endless skin whitening products available to further this cause. Complete strangers will approach me and tell me how beautiful I am, often seeming to be mesmerized by my blue eyes. I am also constantly stared at, which after a while leaves me feeling more objectified than flattered. The fact that I am in a big city doesn't help either. Unless I am at my agency with the people who work with me every day, I will always be regarded as a complete outsider by the rest of my community, which happens to be about 798,634 people.

My status as a single woman is also of great interest here. The other day a jeepney driver actually asked me at what age I plan to become a housewife, as if that was my inevitable fate. To be a woman who drinks beer, travels alone, and doesn't cook is concerning enough, but the fact that I am not dating anyone or actively seeking a husband is equally disturbing. No need to mention my lack of a religious background or my support for reproductive health care.

Although dealing with these trials and reconciling my identity on a daily basis grows tiresome, I would never trade the experience for anything, because it provides a platform for a conversation and a genuine exchange of cultural norms. It also gives me the opportunity to understand what battles are worth fighting for, decide who I really am, and figure out what I truly feel passionate about. And isn't that the whole point of joining the Peace Corps? 

What Am I Thankful For?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so I thought I would spend some time writing about what I’m thankful for...

I am of course grateful to have the basic needs of shelter and food but until now I have never been so grateful to have a bed. It is commonplace here to see street children sleeping on the sidewalk, often only partially clothed. When I walk past them every day I am reminded of my good fortune but I am also reminded of how much work still needs to be done.

I am grateful for my social work education which has changed me in so many ways and really opened my heart as well as my mind to the injustice in the world. My education was empowering and gave me the insight I needed to inform my service and inspire my advocacy.

I’m also grateful for my idealism, because I have to believe we can do better and I have to dream that one day we will live in a world where human beings are not bought and sold, where women are not expendable and where education, basic health care and social service programs are widely accessible to those who desperately need them. I always remind students that they don’t have to accept the world as it is today and they have the power to change it.

I am grateful for my service, and the humility it brings. I may come home from work overwhelmed, exhausted and challenged but I am fulfilled knowing every day we furthered our cause and we made a difference.

Lastly I am grateful for my family, friends and mentors in my life who have supported me and encouraged me to stand up for my beliefs.I will miss sharing this day with you but I am grateful for your presence in my life, despite the distance between us.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."-Denis Waitley

Happy Thanksgiving!

2012 Presidential Election

 

Yesterday  I gathered with other Cebu Peace Corps Volunteers along with our country director at an election party sponsored by the US Embassy. We anxiously watched the CNN coverage of the election, cheering every time a state turned blue. We were surrounded by Filipino professionals and college students who had extensive knowledge of the United States political process. They were highly invested in this election, just like the millions of people all over the world who have an invested opinion about the future of the United States but have no voice in our democracy.

 Watching Obama’s acceptance speech got me very emotional. There is still a great deal of work to be done but with four more years I have high hopes for Obama to continue moving our country forward. Rest assured the world will be watching. 

Saying No: When America is Everywhere

I would like to preface this blog with a warning: Any PCV's at a rural site stop reading now, this blog will only upset and disappoint you.

Here in Cebu I have unlimited access to American food. We have McDonalds, KFC, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, Krispy Kreme, TGIF Fridays, Sbarro, Seattle's Best Coffee, Dunkin Donuts and of course Jollibee the number one burger chain of the Philippines. We also have an unlimited selection of imported American junk food. We have Skippy Peanut Butter, Pringles, Cheetos, Pop-Tarts, Oreo's, Cheez-Its, Snickers etc. Most recently I discovered Philadelphia Creme Cheese! Now some of you back home may laugh, while some of you at other sites may cry, but I have to admit my latest challenge has been resisting the American temptations at every corner. 

Places like McDonalds where I would never step foot in back home have become my crutch in this country. I can easily overspend at the supermarket because I am stocking up on American junk food like the world is going to end. After about three weeks of this behavior I finally stopped and asked myself what is driving this insanity? My host family serves me nutritious meals. My allowance cannot support this habit long term. My current health goals do not include gaining 20 pounds. The only conclusion that I can come up with is despite the lack of substance and nutritional value in these foods they are one of the few unchanging variables that I can rely on. After a long day at work there is nothing more gratifying than the taste of something familiar. 

Looking forward I know that I cannot continue living like this. At the same time I recognize that self care sometimes calls for some self indulgence. With a renewed sense of urgency I will now attempt to limit my food coping to the weekends and find some healthy snacks that can sustain me during the work week. As far as the daily peanut butter goes... you'll have to pry it from my cold dead fingers. 

Teaching Conversational English

Today I had the great pleasure of teaching my first conversational English class. Here in the Philippines the ability to speak in English is a necessity if you want to market yourself for employment, especially for the women enrolled in our Job Readiness Program. When I recognized this need I offered to teach a conversational English class at the center once a week and conduct individual tutoring sessions as needed.

I expected only a handful of clients to attend the class but was surprised to find that I had nine students staring back at me at the top of the hour. I started the lesson by explaining that in my class we would only speak in English and all of the women responded by grumbling and wailing dramatically. I just laughed, telling them I believed this was the most effective way for them to learn.  I encouraged the students to write down any vocabulary they heard but didn’t recognize and promised that we would define the words at the end of the class. 

We started by practicing the past tense. I asked each student to stand and share what they did over the previous weekend. As they shared I wrote the corrections on the board and they all diligently took notes. We paused often for questions and I quickly learned that offering examples rather than explanations made my job much easier. 

For homework I assigned the students to complete a personal introduction that includes their name, age, where they’re from, family information, any previous studies or job experience, hobbies, interests and aspirations for the future. Next week the students will present their introductions and in time we will begin to expand them further into greater detail. 

By the end of the hour I was shocked to see that we had already run out of time. I never imagined that I would be teaching English but I was pleased with myself and surprised at how easy it was. I’m excited about the prospect of creating lesson plans every week and watching our clients grow in their English language abilities. Teaching also provides a great outlet for me to share some of the American culture, which will hopefully provide an opportunity for growth and understanding from both sides of the classroom. You can call me Professor Kent from now on.

Family Values

Filipinos never forget the responsibility they have to their family. Unlike many Americans, Filipinos view caring for their parents and siblings as their primary responsibility when they reach any level of financial independence. I spoke with my counterpart Arianne about some of the differences between the Filipino and American philosophies on family values. Despite Arianne's desire to marry her boyfriend and move out of the house. At the age of 26 she is already helping financially to take care of her mother, father and unmarried sisters. This dedication to the family unit and an acknowledgement of respect for elders is an area where the United States is definitely lacking. At the same time Arianne believes that the Filipino will always be rich in family values but because "they are always paying backwards instead of forwards" they will never be rich in disposable income. Which prompts the question, what values do we neglect in pursuit of the American dream?

Arianne and I

At the the same time in the Philippines, where these family values appear to be so strong, it's incredible how we can witness poverty break down those values into complete senselessness. Extreme poverty forces people to make choices that many of us in the privileged world would never have to contemplate and when your priorities are focused on others rather than yourself, some may end up making choices that lead to a path of great personal sacrifice and destruction. We see this when women use prostitution as a means to feed their families, or even to send their younger siblings to school. 

This conversation with Arianne left me feeling ashamed. As an American I know I  take these privileges  for granted on a daily basis, rarely asking myself, what can I do to help my family? Of course the need may not be financial but have I been a loving daughter and sister? Too often we are only focused on our own narrow path. Now that I am living so far away from home I can really appreciate the sacrifices my family has made for me and how supportive they have been in everything I do. It's true I come from a country of great power and privilege but because my family taught me to follow my heart; I can make the choice to live my life with compassion and humility.  

Thanks Mom and Dad 

Rat Tales

It was 9pm on a Monday. I had spent many hours doing important work and was ready to retire for the day but first I had to take my final trip to the CR (comfort room). The CR is near but the path is treacherous. First you must pass through the dreaded kitchen in which rats, lizards and cockroaches rule in the night. If you are courageous enough to bypass the kitchen you will come to a great wooden door that creaks of age and general creepiness. You must slowly open the door, never knowing what you might find waiting for you on the other side. If you are lucky enough to make it through physically unscathed, your mind still isn't safe. You can hear the rats scurrying all around you. Are they only in the walls? Or simply waiting in the shadows for their chance to feast on human flesh? I take these risks in honorable service to my country on a nightly basis, sometimes even twice nightly if I drink too much water. But this night was different.

I had reached the CR with great excitement but the bathroom door would not budge. Upon further examination I realized that the door was in fact locked! I shook the door in great frustration and was tempted to awake my hosts who had promised me 24 hr access. I listened…the only sounds I could recognize were inhuman. I was on my own. I took refuge back in my room, conflicted on what my next move should be. I weighed my options… I could wake my host mother and make her come downstairs to unlock the bathroom or I could make the trek to the most feared place to be at night in all of the Philippines the outdoor CR.

I will admit I have never experienced such great fear as I did in this moment but I knew what I had to do. I gathered my wits about me, shot some punches into the air to heighten my senses and I stepped out into the darkness. Leaving my door open would risk invasion, I turned and shut myself in. I took heavy steps through the kitchen my flip flops smacking on the tiled floors. I could see outlines of creatures running along the cabinets and catch glimpses of movement in every nook and cranny. I came to my first obstacle. Another heavy wooden door latched across at the top and a heavy lock at the bottom that fit into a hole on the floor. My fingers nervously fumbled with the locks… I could hear the creatures moving around me, scurrying all over. The first door was open and I was able to quickly unlock the screen door but stopped myself short of going outside. I pounded hard on the door, hoping to scare off anything within my immediate perimeter. I was vulnerable here from both directions. With a deep breath I flung the door open and made a run for it. First locking myself in the CR then scanning my surroundings to be sure that I was truly alone. This was the moment I had been waiting for, thanks be to god.

I left the CR with great speed and stealth. Ducking under clothes lines and hopping over a bucket. I could hear the rats rummaging around me. One misstep and it would all be over. I made it back inside and managed to seal off the exit once again locking myself into the confines of the kitchen. This was an extreme moment of defenselessness. The creatures were fast but I was faster. I made it  back into my room and sighed in relief when suddenly...

Although I did what I could to make this tale mildly entertaining I was legitimately scared at the time. The night following these debacles was equally creepy. Being that I am not living in a Bruce Willis movie what are the chances that all of the cupboards in the dining room are left open??? The worst part, I was in the room only minutes before and I did not notice anything out of the ordinary. Can this also be blamed on the rats? I feel like I am living in a horror movie.